Leave it to the folks over at Stab Mag to have Jordy Smith reveal to the world his deepest sexual secrets. Among the many surprising things Jordy opens up to includes how he lost his virginity, whether he does anal, his thoughts on talking dirty, and threesomes.

Jordy…on his first time: “It was on the beach on the Gold Coast with this girl I’d been with for a while. Australian girl. She was, like, super hot. I was 15 at the time; she was 21. Super hot model. I was frothing out. It was at Snapper, on a full moon. She was taking off her clothes and she was so hot. I was like, oh my god, what do I do? I was just staring down and she was, “Are you going to take your clothes off or are you just going to stand there?” I was like, yup, I’m taking em off. I was thinking, this is a good life.”

Jordy…on anal: “Definitely done it with a couple of girls. One cougar liked having sex in her butt, like, 80 per cent of the time. You gotta do what you gotta do, right?”

Jordy…on his type: “Definitely body. Got to have a good body, good legs. Obviously, you want to be attracted to the face. Personality. Some girls are really, really hot but the minute they open their mouth it’s like, oh, shut the hell up.”

Jordy…on talking dirty: “Dirty talk is good, for sure. Whatever is in the moment, throw it out there. Chicks talking back is always good, too. You need a bit of both action going. She needs to show you that she’s enjoying it. > Older women: Cougars! Love ’em! Lots of experience and no bullshit. Straight in, straight out. Boom. Perfect. Just what I want.”

Jordy…on hair: “No pubes! I prefer lasered. Girls can have them lasered and hair will never grown on their pubis mons ever again. It’s beautiful. Like a baby’s bum.”

Jordy…on condoms: “Definitely gotta use those rubbers.”

Jordy…on threesomes: “Yeah. Once. I was kind of a little nervous and a bit weirded out. I was like oh yeah, this is a bit weird, but whatever. I was 19. The easiest thing is to just get into it. Don’t even think. Just do it.”

Jordy…on toys: “Yep, toys. Gone there before. Always fun when I’m really tired. You just go, yup, there you go. When you’re too tired to do the work yourself. Just don’t use it on me!”

Jordy…on sexual music: “Hard-core techno! Nah, just joking. Something cruisy and mellow.”

Jordy…on fake breasts: “Love ’em! Just the perfectness, the firmness of them. Just everything.”

Note: I am now in complete depression over the fact that a young kid like Jordy Smith has done more in his 21 years than I have in 30. Incapable of any further posts, “Would You?” will return next Friday.